So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
