I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
