It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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