My first STD was from a foam party
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she looked like the before picture.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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