i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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