I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
