Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
