every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
