chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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