Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
