I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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