When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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