My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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