The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
