Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize