this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
