hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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