You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
