My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
