if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
