You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize