Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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