you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
