I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize