I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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