I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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