ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
