Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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