I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
