How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
