it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
