Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
