I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
