I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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