Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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