I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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