I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
