The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
