P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
