Sponge bath it is.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize