I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
