gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
