so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
