I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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