I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My vagina is very pro this idea
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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