can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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