I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think i have herpe
just one?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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