How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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