I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize