Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
