I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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