had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
