she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
