Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
