The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
