dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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