u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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