Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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