Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
