I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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