oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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