I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
