in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
