just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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