There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
