cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
