Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
whose parrot is this?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize