I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
