Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
