it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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