and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
