ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
