Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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