i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
