So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my being single is dangerous.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
