Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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