only if we run a train.
done.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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