Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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