How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
