There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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