nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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