So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
