I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
