let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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