i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
