Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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