While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
