she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
