So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize