she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
