I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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