the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
