it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
accomplished twins. life is a go
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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