ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
