So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
