so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
