How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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