come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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