I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
