I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
