im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
