i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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