Barsexuality is the new black.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm getting married
To pizza
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
