so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
