One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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