I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
