I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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