i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize