i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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