I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize