i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
