I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize